Do We Give Up on People?

The Honest Question

Does there ever come a time when we give up on people? I know this question perhaps bothers you, however, I believe it begs an honest response. I have pastored six churches over almost 50 years and in retrospect, my answer to this question has to be sadly, “Yes.” There are times when we have to separate ourselves from those who refuse to acknowledge their broken places and move beyond their pain—especially if their broken areas are downloaded by the enemy to bring church division and confusion. Relational toxicity cannot be allowed to pull us down.

First, a Crucial Disclaimer

Before I move forward with this discussion, let me remind you that God never gives up on people. Remember this disclaimer. There are, however, times I believe, when we tie His hands, but His grace is all-sufficient and enduring. Then, I’m reminded that I am not God!

When Separation Becomes Necessary

Regrettably, there does come a time when working with individuals who refuse to move past their pain must be left to their own devices. It has been my unfortunate experience that the enemy uses unteachable, unyielding, unrepentant individuals to steal our time, our energy, our “brain space,” and our good intentions. They have made-up minds when it comes to making necessary life changes and we must let them go. We must give them over to the grace of God.

Our Heart as Believers

We are Christians, and our very nature is to love people into the kingdom and subsequently see them grow in their faith. We also want to see them develop spirit, soul, and body, so they can experience the fullness of their salvation. But the sad reality is that the world, the flesh, and the devil exert a terrible pull on the souls of men.

Hard Truth with Gentle Hands

Let’s be honest without being unmerciful. Frankly, some people do not wish to be helped. Not really. Oh, they may say otherwise but their actions tell the real story. That’s the simple yet true fact of the matter! They prefer flight over fight!

What They Refuse to Do

They refuse:

• To acknowledge the fact that they have broken areas
• To assume personal responsibility for their actions, attitudes, words, and overall behavior
• To develop a personal plan for healing
• To repent of their own misdeeds and make things right with those who have wounded them, or they have wounded
• To press toward their future and quit rehearsing their past
• To ask God’s forgiveness for their own sins, iniquities, and transgressions
• To invite the Holy Spirit to give them a healthy and righteous interpretation of their pain
• To allow the Holy Spirit to renew them in the spirit of their mind and to take all toxic thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ
• To quit playing the “Blame Game”

Discernment and Release

How sad! But let’s face it, those who refuse to accept personal responsibility for their broken areas come and go throughout our lives and we must be discerning to know who we can help and who we cannot help. In the church, I have learned to let people go who may say with their mouth, “I love Jesus,” however, their lives exhibit unfaithful, even ungodly conduct. I still love them and pray for them when the Spirit brings them to mind.

Healthy Boundaries for Kingdom Joy

However, I no longer allow them to steal my time, energy, mental acuity, and spiritual awareness. They have made decisions that remain heart-rending, unfortunate, and counterproductive to joyful kingdom living, and I must let them go. They choose to remain stuck in the negative ruts of their past and refuse to move forward. This, my friend, is one of life’s most disheartening truths.